A Heathen Called by God

Well, I never thought this summer would end like this! If you'd have asked me at the beginning of the summer (or even half a week ago) what my plans for the next two years were, here's what I would have told you. I'm planning on going back to SBU this fall for my junior year, studying Biblical Studies as a major. Then I plan to graduate in the Spring of 2008 and move to Pasadena, California, to do graduate studies at Fuller Theological Seminary. My ultimate goal is to plant house church networks in which God's Spirit can move in mighty ways in our post-Christian society.

But most of that has changed. Its like I establish my plans, and then God comes through and tears them down in one fell swoop, like a tornado crashing through the Midwest. I mean, sure I still want to plant house churches. But that's about the only thing that still remains of my plans. Here's where I've ended up. This fall, I will be attending Drury University in Springfield. I will be spending the next five years working towards a Professional Bachelor's Degree in Architecture. I will not be moving to Pasadena. I will not be attending Fuller. And I will not be going back to SBU.

And it looks like God is trying to get me off my butt and into ministry. Here's why. I'm a member of a house church network called Living Stones Baptist Fellowship. I know our elder because he was my mentor last year at SBU. Well, since I'm moving to Springfield and will be attending a very 'secular' (I HATE that word!!!) university, Kurt (our elder) has been talking with me about the idea of me starting a church plant in Springfield this fall (or at least in the next year--these things don't happen overnight...). I think it is a great idea--I can definitely relate to the college culture. I will be spending many a Friday and Saturday night in downtown Springfield. There's so much opportunity out there for me to make this a success.

But I'm not ready. I'm not adequate. I have so many flaws and shortcomings that need to be cleaned up before I feel like I can be used adequately. And how can I lead so many people? I have never done anything anywhere close to this magnitude before. I don't know if I can handle this responsibility. I need help. God send me someone. Send me a helper. Or two. Or several. I can't do it alone. I am so unworthy to be called to do this. My life is a wreck right now. I haven't read my Bible all summer, and even before that I only read it for class mostly. I haven't talked to God in forever. I feel like such a heathen. How, then, can I be called by God?