dear friend...

dear Friend,

Can i let you in on a little secret?
Can i tell you something about myself?
Promise me you won't laugh...
Ok. Here goes:

i'm afraid.
That's it.
What, did you expect something else?
Something huge?
Something embarassing?
Well it is...
...to me.
Know why?
Its because all my other secrets are summed up in this one.
The ones that ARE huge.
The ones that ARE embarassing.

It took a lot for me to tell you this.
To tell you that i'm afraid.
No, not that i'm afraid of the dark.
Not that i'm afraid of spiders, or snakes, or heights.
i mean i am.
But that's not what i'm REALLY afraid of.

Do you want to know what i'm really afraid of?

What i'm really afraid of is...

...you.

No, its not the way you look -- you look just fine.
You smell fine too.
Its not even being around you that scares me.
What scares me is...

...letting you know me.

Opening up and sharing myself with you.
Letting you in on the "other" side of me.

See, because i've been burned before.
By people who said they were my friends.
But they betrayed me.
Gave up on me.
Their actions spoke loud and clear.
They said there was no hope.
No chance for someone like me.

That's why i'm afraid.
i'm scared you'll be just like all the rest.
When it gets dirty, you'll leave.

Just like all the others.

Tell me now.
Is that how its going to be?

Because that's not the kind of friend i need.
i need someone different.
Someone who cares.
Someone who'll endure.
Someone who knows me inside and out
and is ok with it.
Are you that person?

Will you embrace my dreams even when they are fleeting?
Will you see me for who i can be and not just for who i am?
Will you let me cry and tell me not to be ashamed?

i need to know that i can tell you anything and you'll listen without judgment.
But listening isn't enough.
I need to know that you will go through it with me.
That you'll share in my pain.
That you'll rejoice in my victories.
That above all you will hold me accountable for my actions.

Are you that kind of friend?
Prove it to me.